Twingo, Clio, Megane and Scenic - no it's not the Beetles!

Two Renault ranges were launched at Summer Place last night - the new Renault Megane and Scenic. When I first got to the venue it was like being at the Car of the Year, more testosterone than you could shake a stick at. Funnily enough, not all the boys worked in the motor trade, some were in shipping and other industries. Someone has to get the Renaults out here; after all that's why they cost so much to fix, they're all made in France! Speaking of which some of the waiters (rather hunky, I might add) were peddling their snacks with a lavish French accent. Sushi or biltong, I wondered? The latter has become extremely fashionable on event menus, strange for a food that was reserved for big rugby games in front of the telly. It may still have that status in places like Australia, where the South African diaspora is so strong.

The fashionable and somewhat more silly started arriving a little later in the evening. I was told by event organiser Farah Fortune that the premiere of Fame was being held as well as a Dark and Lovely do. But the Renault bash had a few Dark and Lovelies of its own. MD Xavier Diquet looked awfully young in his little black shirt to be running Renault in South Africa ... what is the answer to his eternal faunlike youth?

Xavier was being interviewed by a terribly silly girl from some even more silly TV station, perhaps a made-up one. I always thought that someone would land up in the pool at Summer Place, even if it was just by default, and she was just the one I would have picked. The plaform that had been built to accommodate the increasing throng made it difficult to negotiate one's way around one's fellow drinkers so a big splash was imminent.

Joburgers are always the first to discover an alternative bar and my friend Emma from the Sowetan made a beeline for it, along with myself as a nogschlepper. The bar boasted not only flirtatious mixologists but we found all our friends there too, including Gabby Alberoni and Irwan from Carbon d'Afreeque, who make such fab furniture from recycled billboards. We admired the couches behind us but didn't know which way to sit on them. I obviously lack the coolth to know these things.

The cars were tucked away at the back waiting to make their appearance after the AV presentation, and when the silly girl had finally disappeared from the screen. When they did cruise round the back of the swimming pool side four "ballerinas" dressed like the Black Swans from Swan Lake started doing a rock-a-tutu number which was obviously aimed at the testosterone quota. I never saw ballerinas shake their booty like that before.

I wanted to stay longer, I really did, but my bones were aching and I had the shivers. Could it be the dreaded swine flu? I thought it best to hop off home before I felt worse and the skies opened for the Highveld thunderstorm which was threatening to break the drought with great violence.